I saw an interesting infographic the other day about things that can worsen anxiety. Included among the list were caffeine, eating too much sugar, skipping meals, irregular sleep, stress and conflict, repressing your anxiety and isolating yourself. How wonderful to start off the day with a ball of all of this wadded in your throat and chest. This has been my week so far. Mindful meditation feels like a child's balloon that's slipped from the hands and taken off for the sky. I cannot find my peace, my calm, my inner wisdom. I only have my fears, my doubts, my longing for my past life. And thus this wad of emotions has perpetuated the deepest and longest sadness and sorrow I have ever known in my life. It runs so deep it exposes old wounds so that they leak and bleed again. I feel buried in my pain and sadness and wonder if an end will ever reveal itself. This weight tied around my heart is crushing me. It makes me wonder why the sorrow has chosen to ravage my heart when all I've ever wanted to do with my life is love. How could I have gotten that part so wrong?
 

So today I'm just letting the sorrow camp out here in my heart. Maybe it'll build a bonfire in which a stray ember may ignite a spark and move me. Maybe it just needs to sit by the fire a while longer, warming itself, reminding itself that it is still alive and wanted. Sorrow my old friend, you take as long as you need to be what you are without judgement. I know you wish for better days for me too. I'll wait for you, as long as it takes. Our journey's are intermingled now. I'll be here whether to wipe your tears, provide a strong embrace or set you free when your time has come to walk in the other direction away from me.